Overheard in July
So. The Ballers won the First Half Championship, qualifying early for the playoffs. I got a B’s tattoo. B’s players rescued a lost dog. And, in my humble estimation, we’ve had some of the best and liveliest crowds of the whole first two seasons in this last month running wildly through themes of Parks and Rec, Star Wars, golf, Halloween, and the Grateful Dead, to name a few. Good on you, all you joyful maniacs. Here’s what was overheard in the Raimondi stands.
Watching the Sass Squad dancers.
“That’s my grandma!”
“I can’t move that way NOW and I’m still on my parents’ insurance.”
This is a huge pretzel!
Enough to share?
Not that much.
Not even with the person who gave you life?
My friend told me about his pet sloth the other day.
(A strike is overturned on appeal.)
I wish I had a system to overturn my boss when he makes a mistake.
The Beer Batter, a Tale of Three Innings
1) Beer Batter gets a hit, no $5 beers for everyone.
WHY do they always pick someone good to be the beer batter?!?
2) Beer Batter strikes out, elation reigns, and the line balloons.
Next time, when they get even one strike, we need to be RUNNING to concessions just in case.
3) Explaining to a child what the Beer Batter is:
It looked like he was going to strike out. That guy with the bat. He’s a special batter. And if he had, daddy would have been extra extra happy.
And Mommy.
I would love it if I had a Ballers dent in my car.
Anywhere but the window.
Yeah. And the dent is signed by Scrappy.
“They do have licorice! I was just craving it. I haven’t had it in years, but here we are and there it is.”
“I really want to upgrade to garlic fries, but I think I’m playing with fire there.”
(An adult, leaving his group of adult friends, approaches Scrappy.)
Scrappy, can I have a picture?
Friends: Say no! Save it for the kids!
(Reacting to Sky Sox infielder Zane Denton.)
Is his name Billy Zane? You know, from Titanic? I always hated him.
Billy Zane? Oh he played the rich guy that she was supposed to marry. Yeah he sucked.
No, I mean, Billy Zane. I mean I guess he did a good job acting or whatever but I will never forgive that man.
What is your opinion on Jason Mraz?
I have zero opinion on Jazon Mraz. (Thirty seconds later.) He’s been around forever, I feel like I should have some opinion on him.
It’s just a flock of seagulls.
That’s a flock of geese.
Well why are they all cheering for a flock of geese?
On Survivor: “Mike White. He wrote School of Rock so he was probably already doing fine. But now he’s so rich. I would vote him out immediately.”
(Oddly prescient in an early inning of what became a four-hour affair) “I think you’ll have to manage your expectations. This game might go on for three months.”
“All of Massachusetts is like the size of the Bay Area. They were like have you driven across MA and I was like yeah, I’ve driven to San Jose.”
I was running on the treadmill at six miles an hour.
You mean level six.
No, six miles per hour. Is that fast?
No.
Yes it is.
Well the average speed over uneven ground is four miles an hour, so maybe it is good. But I learned that from The Fugitive, so…
The seventh-inning stretch begins, and for one New Zealander, it is the first time.
“Oh my god, it’s just like in the movies!”
YOU BUM!
(Ok, this was definitely TrevsChirps)
Let me tell you something. Those balls [the inter-inning Knockerball duels] don’t cover your butt. It’s painful when you fall. It’s also pretty claustrophobic in there.
But you won!
I’m taking my 24-pack of Diet Coke and retiring.
It’s freezing tonight. November is going to feel so hot.
Stop it. Mom!
What?
He licked me like a weirdo!
The kids in the little Scrappy outfits were hilarious. Took me a minute to realize they were kids though. Big rats are scary but little kids are cute.
RALLY WAFFLE! RALLY WAFFLE!
The kids were loving the chickens.
My girlfriend brought me some Jembe from Tanzania.
I asked if he was having a heart attack but he stood up and walked away, so I guess not.
Oh god, it’s Grateful Dead night. I would be more grateful to be dead.
Don’t lose my wife, she’s kind of buzzed.
Speak for yourself!
The pot calls the kettle green.
Are we going to the hot dog and bikini bar?
I wish.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM!
Is that your costume? No? This is just what you have?
I’m witchy by nature.
I’ll give you two fruit candy for one chocolate.
No way. Chocolate is three fruit worth.
(A moment) Or I will just take what I want when you aren’t looking.
“I’m not worried about today. Tomorrow, I have to go against Ice Cold.”
A certain founder, unconcerned with defeating his fellow founder in the company Knockerball tournament, who would go on to lose to said co-founder.
That turned out good.
A certain co-founder on a certain Dispatches author’s tattoo.
Where did you get that shirt? I have to get it. Because my last name is Raimondi.
On coming to Raimondi Park
Even when I have a complaint, it’s like they magically hear it, and the next time I’m here, it’s gone away. And then I have nothing to complain about.
